NEWFORD, USA — In an effort to tackle the mounting tidal wave of local grievances and the ever-present fury of social media outbursts, the City Council of Newford has announced the rollout of brand-new AI-enabled “Complaint Kiosks” throughout downtown. Officials claim the kiosks are designed to transform citizens’ daily rants into structured, data-driven feedback—while offering a touch of digital empathy.

At a press conference held at the freshly renovated Civic Plaza, Mayor Linda Thompson introduced the kiosks with unbridled enthusiasm. “We know our residents are passionate—and sometimes a little too vocal—about issues ranging from potholes to our recycling program,” Thompson explained. “Our AI kiosks are here to ensure every complaint is heard, analyzed, and, most importantly, met with a witty comeback that might just make you laugh while you cry.”

Each kiosk, equipped with state-of-the-art voice recognition and a generous dose of programmed sarcasm, offers features such as “Grievance Gamification” and “Empathy Mode.” When a user laments about a malfunctioning streetlight or the inexplicable disappearance of local bus schedules, the kiosk not only logs the complaint but also retorts with, “Have you tried rebooting your expectations?” or “Sounds like someone forgot to update their software—and their manners!”

Local tech startup ByteSolutions, completly unrelated to ByteDance, collaborated with the City Council to develop the kiosks. “Our AI isn’t just smart; it’s got attitude,” said ByteSolutions CEO Liang Rubo. “We’ve programmed it to understand context, irony, and even the occasional meme. It’s like having a city councilor with a PhD in sass, right at your fingertips.”

While some residents are thrilled by the prospect of their daily frustrations being met with humor, others remain skeptical. “I don’t need a robot to tell me I’m being ridiculous about a broken bench,” grumbled longtime resident Marjorie Collins. “But if it can fix the bench too, then maybe we’re onto something.”

Despite the controversy, the City Council remains optimistic. “In a world where social media outrage often drowns out constructive dialogue, we believe these kiosks can foster a healthier, if slightly snarkier, public discourse,” Mayor Thompson asserted. Plans are already in motion to integrate the kiosks with local emergency services.